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LinkedIn: Grieving for a pet is real grief too
When you chat about home and who lives with you; whether that's a partner and/or children, or you live alone, I can guarantee that if you have a a pet of any kind, you'll mention their name too. You might add their paw print to a birthday or Christmas card, share photos on your phone or nip home in your lunch break, because they're not 'just' a pet, they're family. And, when we lose them, the bereavement is as real as any other.
Last week, after nearly 17 years, I had to make the decision to say goodbye to my Jack Russell Chihuahua cross, Barney. He'd been declining for some months, but the vet had assured me that he was, at least physically, the healthiest old dog she'd ever met. That was until something seriously changed late one night.
Barney saw me through some messy breakups, the birth of my children, bereavements, house moves, job changes and so much more. He predated almost every part of my adult life - arriving as a tiny puppy in the palm of my hand when I was 26, but quickly stealing my heart forever. I was an accidental dog owner - he was an unexpected gift - but I made it work. He even came to work with me and was the 'office dog' in a couple of jobs (until he disgraced himself in a meeting room one morning), joined me on road trips, countless walks (until his little legs couldn't take it anymore) and stayed with trusted friends whenever he couldn't come along too.
When I felt down, I'd nuzzle the top of his head, stroke his enormous velvet ears and sniff his fur and 'popcorn' paws. He was my anchor and my constant, through a constantly changing world, and I miss him terribly. A chapter of my life has closed forever.
Just writing this makes me well up, so it's perhaps not hard to understand that trying to get back to 'normal' after his loss has been incredibly difficult. There's a gap by my desk where his basket should be and he's not pestering me, mid-Teams meeting, to go out in the garden for the fifth time in an hour (his dementia made him forget he'd just been). You know, I'd give anything to be pestered one last time.
It really matters, because they matter to us.
I know that this might resonate with a lot of people, but not everyone. So it's important to understand how much of an impact losing a pet can genuinely have on someone and to treat those feelings with exactly the same respect. It really matters, because they matter to us.
Some might say that he was 'just' a dog, but he was so much more than that, and the pain of that bereavement is very real. We choose to have pets because of the joy and happy memories they bring, and despite the pain of them leaving, it's worth it because they lived.
As the saying goes; you were my favourite hello, but my hardest goodbye. Rest easy, Barneydog. 🐶 🌈
Support and advice
PDSA - Coping with grief and the loss of a pet
Cats Protection - Grief and loss
Blue Cross - Pet Bereavement support and counselling